Tara’s Thoughts

Can my last post really be from February? I have one in the drafts folder from May 1, but since its titled Happy May Day, I think that one will remain unposted.

I titled this post “Don’t Blink” because I feel like that is how life is going - too fast. If it was slowed down a bit maybe I could post more often Ok, let’s not get crazy.

Well a quick update leading up to today…

Brady turned 4 in April. We had a CARS themed party again because he decided that since he had a CARS party at his old house, he needed a CARS party at his new house. I was fine with that because I could reuse all the decorations. Yes, having a 4 year old seems impossible and he is 4 going on 16. Everyone talks about the terrible twos, and yes they are difficult, but the threes are worse. And Caroline said she always thought the three year old age was harder for her boys. But no one warned me that the four year olds age is by far the most trying. They are very independent and have an attitude to go with it. You want them to make decisions on their own and learn from their choices, but at the same time - man can they push your buttons. Brady can be the most amazing, loving, wonderful child you have ever met, and he can push to the edge all in the same day - sometimes the same hour!

He finished his 3 year old preschool and put on a wonderful program this spring for Marty and I and both grandmas and great grandma Krogman. He was very proud. He has learned to ride his 2 wheeler with training wheels this summer and can really pick up speed. I almost have to run to keep up with him.

He started the summer by going to bible school for a week. He really enjoyed it and can still sing you the song Learning about God. Everyday he was excited to tell me what he learned about God when I got home from work. It is great to watch his knowledge grow and he understands so much more then we are aware of.

He also played T-ball this summer in Balaton. He played with his cousin Emma and REALLY enjoyed it. He has a little pair of baseball pants and a Balaton T-ball t-shirt. He had to have that washed every Tuesday and Thursday for 6 weeks so he could wear to his practice. One day one of the other dad coaches was there and marty had to help coach. Brady thought that was great. He really enjoyed the last day when the parents got to play and daddy had to hit one handed. Brady hit after him and drove him home. I was very impressed with Brady’s baseball skills, but he spends a lot of time at the ballpark.

He also took swimming lessons this summer at the Y. It was for 2 weeks and Grandma Charlene helped us out by picking him up and taking him each day. He LOVED swimming lessons and easily passed to the next level. I probably could have started him up a level, but I didn’t want to push him too much. He is a fish in the water and by the end of the summer was jumping off the high dive in Springfield with his life jacket on by himself. I am looking to enroll him in lessons again either this fall or spring.

He will be starting 4 year old preschool in Sept. We will be going 3 mornings a week at Wee Care again. It’s hard to believe that in a year he will be going to Kindergarten. Where has time gone - don’t blink.

Ben’s life isn’t quite as full of activities yet, but I am sure that is coming. He is growing like a weed and talking more and more everyday. He turned 2 in July. We had a baseball themed birthday party and used the decorations from Brady’s 1st birthday. They also got a new sprinkler for the party and all the kids had a great time running through the sprinkler.

He has entered his terrible twos - but I think I can handle them. He already knows the where the time out spot is. But just like his brother, he is too cute to stay mad at. He loves to play with cars and read books. He would spend all day outside if we would let him. Marty hears “outside, outside” quite often during the day. He is also a huge sports fan. Given the choice, he would choose sports over cartoons. He loved to watch Marty play baseball this summer and cheer nice and loud - even if you couldn’t understand what he was saying.

We are slowly working on the potty training with Ben. He shows quite a bit of interest, mainly because he wants to do whatever Brady is doing. Hopefully he will be out of diapers long before Brady was.

This summer we moved Ben out of the crib. A few weeks ago we completed turning their room into a big boy room. They have their bunk beds all set up. Of course, Brady has the top bunk but Ben would like to be up there. We also took the crib down and moved the changing table out. While Ben is still in diapers, he always just wants to be changed on the floor. Ben also finally got a dresser. We added a different bookshelf and now it looks like a room for two little boys, and no babies.

It’s hard to believe that Ben is 2 already. It seems like yesterday we were bringing him home from the hospital. - Don’t blink.

While life moves fast, every part moves fast - the good, the bad and the ugly.

In July, we experienced the bad and ugly. Marty and I were happily celebrating in secret that we were expecting our 3rd child in Feb. While we knew this would be a challenge to have 3 kids under 5, we were ready to take it on. As Caroline said when I reserved our daycare spot - We would be moving from one-on-one to zone defense.

Everything seemed to be moving along “normally” for my type of pregnancies. I was sick like normal. I spent lots of time throwing up and I was tired. But that was normal with work and kids and baseball in the summer. In early July I was spotting a little and had some light cramping. It wasn’t anything consistent, so I wasn’t worried about it. I had spotted with both of the other boys, but not for as long. So I put a call into the Dr. on Friday, July 9. He was out for the day and they would get back to me on Monday.

On Sat. July 10, I ran the 5K I had planned on running and felt fine. We also had Ben’s birthday party and Marty had a baseball game. The weekend went by as crazy as normal. On Monday afternoon I got a call from my Dr’s nurse. Dr. Michael wanted to do an ultrasound just to check out everything. The fact that I was still throwing up was a good sign. I could do the ultrasound on Tuesday or Wednesday. Tuesday were were already going to Sioux Falls for Brady’s asthma appointment and my neurology appointment. Since the Dr. said I could wait until Wed, I decided to do that. I had a little uneasiness, but I was putting it in God’s hands and focusing on my family.

Tuesday we had a great day in Sioux Falls and all the appointments went well.

Wednesday I went to work in the morning and then picked up Marty for our 9 am appointment. I can honestly say that in my mind the Dr was going to tell me I needed to take it easy and stay off my feet for the next 2 1/2 weeks until I hit 12 weeks. I was not prepared for what was facing us.

Unlike other ultrasounds, they had Marty sit in a chair at the end of the table. He could see the monitor and I could not. We were probably in the room for maybe 10 minutes but it honestly felt like hours. The thing that stood out to me was the ultrasound technician was not showing me the baby and was not saying anything. All I could do was stare at the lights and pray. I have never prayed so hard in all my life. After a few minutes the technician said she was going to get Dr. Michael. I knew something was wrong.

After I got dressed, Marty told me when they brought up the heartbeat monitor, the line was flat. I felt like the world had fallen out from under me.

We went and met with Dr. Michael. He said that there was not an explanation for it, but it looked as though there was a chromosomes defect. We had our ultrasound when we were 9 weeks 3 days. The baby measured 9 weeks 2 days. This had happened very recently. Because of the point I was at and the fact that I had c-sections with both of the boys, it was recommended that I have a DNC. It was scheduled for 8 am the next day.

Thursday arrived and I still was not completely dealing with everything. We arrived at the hospital at 7 am. Everyone at the hospital was extremely sympathetic and I never felt like this was a routine operation. It was over in fairly short time - I was sleeping through it. After I was in recovery for a while, we were home by 10 am. They told me to take Advil for the pain.

When I got home I took all the Advil I could and laid down. I started reading the book the hospital had given me - Empty Arms by Pam Vredevelt. This would be a book I turned to many times in the days to come. After a little reading I decided to take a nap. By shortly after 12, I was awake and feeling quite a bit of pain. By 12:30, the pain was awful. When mom brought Brady back from a birthday party she had taken him to for us, she didn’t think the pain was normal and thought Marty should call in. When he did they told him to bring me back to the clinic. Since the boys were home, the 4 of us headed to the hospital.

Once I saw Dr. Michael, he knew something was wrong. I was given a narcotic shot for the pain. Then we headed down for an ultrasound. By this time the medicine was kicking in and walking was getting more difficult. Marty was able to get a hold of mom. We started the ultrasound with the boys in the room and the technician we had this time was really great and kept them looking at the screen. Mom arrived and the boys went with her. Shortly after that, she said she was going to get Dr. Michael. It felt like dejavu.

Dr. Michael and the technician consulted and said that they believed there was tissue still present. He was going to send it to be analyzed it by another Dr. and we waited for the results. They were confirmed and it was recommended we have another DNC. It was scheduled for 5 pm.

Marty was supposed to be taking Brady to his final T-ball and playing with him, so aunt Deb came to stay with me. The second surgery went well and I was home by 8 or 8:30. By this time I was very drugged up. I was in and out for the evening. By Friday morning I was physically feeling a little better. But the emotional part was just beginning.

You may wonder why I am putting this all out there. I thought long and hard about this and whether I wanted to share it, but I wanted to talk about the after part. I read two books in the 2 weeks following - Empty Arms, and I will Carry You by Angie Smith. Both of them are Christian books and they were exactly what I needed.

After losing the baby, I really was mad at God. I questioned everything i had done in the pregnancy. I questioned everything I had done earlier in my life that I would deserve this. I was mad at God and I felt like I was being punished for something. Going to Church that Sunday was hard. I had so many questions and I wasn’t getting any answers.

These books gave me the answers. The one line that has stuck out to me was - God the day after I lost my baby is the same God as the day before I lost my baby. God doesn’t punish, he forgives. He doesn’t love me any less and I don’t love him any less. He is still my God.

Another part that was important to me was - “From womb to heaven, not a bad trip.” I have to remember that out baby is already celebrating in heaven with God. She (yes, in my mind it was going to be a girl) is already in the place that all of us are hoping to get to. I know my Grandpa is holding her for us and we will meet her someday.

Do I have bad days - yes. Do I have good days - more and more. And that’s ok. I know it is ok to cry. I know it is ok to be happy. I will always love out baby. She will always be in my heart. But I know she is looking down from heaven and is our angel.

I can do anything with Christ - he strengthens me.

I must say that the reason I was able to handle everything so well was because I have the most amazing husband. We both handle things differently. Every time I need someone to cry to - he was there. Every time I needed a hug - he was there. Every time I needed to be alone - he made sure I had time. Even when I have my moments now, and most men would say you need to get over it. He just hugs me and tells me it is normal and ok. One of the greatest blessing I was ever given by God was the gift of Marty. He truly is my rock and I can never thank him enough for all he does.

Well, that is a brief update as to where our family is. We are busy. We are enjoying the everyday and trying to capture every moment. That way, when we blink, we are going to be able to hold on to all the wonderful memories we have made this summer.

Enjoy the rest of summer!

I have decided the easiest way to feel old is try to keep up with you kids. Last week we took the boys sledding. I had not been sledding in a LONG time and I didn’t have very good control of the sled. Needless to say I did a lot of tumbling down the hill. I felt sore on Sunday and Monday, but Tuesday - WOW - I really felt it.

Yesterday, I went to a scrapbooking fundraiser in Wabasso with Lisa. I got a lot done - completely finished Brady’s 0-1 book (yes he’ll be 4 soon). But after sitting all day, I was feeling a little stiff.

Then comes today. We took the boys sledding again. I did better staying on the sled for the most part. Jenna and Derrik came with Kiya and brought an old toboggan. We all did some sledding - even Ben a little. But I managed to still tumble down a few times. Also that toboggan is HEAVY. So once again we have reached Sunday night and I am stiff as can be. Oh well, maybe a little wrestling around with them or a few horseback rides will help.

Maybe by next weekend I will feel better - and we can take another trip to Independence Park.

Have a great week!!

Wow, I thought I was doing really well actually writing in my blog until I realized it’s been 2 months! Once every two months is better than once a year - like it used to be.

Once again, I have changed the look of my blog. I know, I like ot change my mine. Mainly, I had to change it because it no longer showed a date before the post, and I can’t have that.

It’s been a pretty nice week as far as weather - no major blizzards since Tuesday. Yeah! We took the boys sledding today. Brady loved it. Ben hated it. Ben cried just riding in the sled to the hill. We took him down the hill a couple of times and the rest of the time he stood at the top of the hill. If you asked if he wanted to go down the hill he just said NO!

Brady had a great time. He went with dad, mom and aunt Liz. Then he went by himself. He had a great time and by the end was going down the hill head first. I have decided that I have lost all of my sledding ability. I tipped over practically every time down the hill. We’ve been home for almost 3 hours now and my bottom still hurts.

Yesterday, Brady went to Mom and Dad’s and went sledding with Drew. He had a great time and told me all about it when he got home. I don’t know where he learned to talk that fast!

We’ve had a crazy start the year and are finally coming into the “slower” time for things. When we haven’t had something going on, we been digging out from a snowstorm. I am so sick of winter!

The first weekend of February, I took my annual girls weekend trip to Breezy Meadow retreat for a weekend of scrapbooking. I was very much looking forward to it and spent a lot of time in January reorganizing so I could make better use of the time I was there. Boy did it work out. I got 57 pages done in one weekend!! That is the most I have ever gotten done. Ben’s 0-1 book is almost complete and Brady got some pages done in his 3-4 book. I am still so far behind, but I am making progress. Now if I could just stop scrapbooking EVERY photo. I also reorganized my room so I am able to get a lot more done at home. Having my scrapbook room across the hall from the bathroom works great during bath time for the boys. I can work and still keep an eye on them. They also can’t get into my stuff at that moment.

I am going to Wabasso next weekend with a couple of friends for the day. I hope to get a few more pages done. I have to work now because Marty’s season is fast approaching. He’s already had his winter team meeting and the first league meeting. Baseball season will be here before I know it.

Brady is into his 6th month of preschool. He loves every moment of it. It is amazing how much he has learned. He loves to write his name and Ben’s. He is always concerned about getting his homework done as soon as he gets home (even if we have a week to do it). Last week we had Wednesday Bear at our house. This is a teddy bear that comes home with a child each week. He brings a journal and some pattern games with. Brady brought Wednesday Bear everywhere. He slept with him every night. It is amazing how one thing can grab his attention so much.

He is already asking when he will turn 4. He has decided we wants a Cars birthday just like he had last year in the “old house.” I’m ok with that - I still have the decorations.

Ben is growing up so fast. Marty and I were just talking about how we don’t have a baby in the house anymore. He is very independent. He hates to be carried anywhere that Brady is walking. He’s favorite words are “No” and “Mine.” He still is not very tall - but he seems to be growing outward very quickly. That boy can eat!

Their personalities are coming out more and more, but I love them anyway!!

I finally entered the 21st century this week and joined Facebook. Marty has been telling me to join for months, but I finally broke down and did it this week. I am still not sure of the point of it, but I did learn that my cousin was moving to Texas in May/June. I guess it’s time I try to keep up with technology a little.

I will try to get some pictures of my latest scrapbook pages and post them soon. (hopefully sooner than 2 months!)

Enjoy our wonderful winter!

Oh the house of boys. Don’t get me wrong, i love all 3 of my boys. I enjoy the fact that I am the only girl. I get to take girls’ weekends, shop for myself and get pampered. I’m excited that I don’t have to deal with cliques, attitudes of girls, the meanness or sharing my make-up. I look forward to football and baseball games, playing in the dirt and discovering bugs. But that being said, I just do not understand so much about boys.

1. Why do boys find farts so funny? No matter the time or place, boys think farts are funny. Brady is under the impression that you can fart at anytime as long as he says excuse me. Now Ben is starting to giggle when he farts. While we refer to them as toots, there are just times and places where I do not find the humor. At the dinner table, in church, stuck in the car. All of these places should be enjoyed without gas.

2. Why can’t boys hit the toilet when they go potty? It’s like a fire hose, you should be able to aim it. Marty has never been one for cleaning the bathroom. I am totally ok with that because he is so much help in the rest of the house. He does all the laundry, helps with dishes, vacuums, dusts and keeps our house very tidy. So I don’t mind being responsible for the bathrooms. But since Brady has become potty trained, I find scrubbing the floor much worse.

Speaking of potty training, every night when it’s bath time, Brady has to go potty before he gets in the tub. Since the boys take a bath together, Ben has to be like his big brother. Each night, Ben attempts to try and go potty. Last night it was successful! He went potty before bath and got lots of praise. While it was a great step, I am not holding my breath. But it does present more problems. This morning Marty found the boys in the bathroom, Brady trying to help Ben go potty. This could be the beginning of even more bathroom scrubbing!!

3. Why can little boys say mom in such a way that you can’t help but respond but at the same time it makes your hair stand on end? Ben has this great knack for standing in his crib and yelling, “MA!” Marty thinks it is great. Whether he is in another room or in my arms, he yells MA! every chance he gets. And since Daddy and Brady laugh, he continues. Hopefully by the time he starts school he can say mommy nicely.

On another fun note in our family, Brady has inherited the male Chandler family trait of sleep walking. He does it a couple times a week. He will wake up (I think to go to the bathroom) but he is not really awake. He walks to various parts of the house and if we don’t catch him in time, does his business. Usually we catch him, but it is amazing how his eyes may be open, he is a complete zombie. And last week he made a new stop.

I was laying on the couch watching Monday night football and Marty was downstairs sorting baseball cards. It was about 10:30 pm. I heard footsteps and what I thought was the faucet turn on. I thought Marty was up getting a drink of water. Marty on the other hand, was downstairs and thought a pipe broke upstairs because he heard water running. He came around the corner and found Brady - at the top of the steps, pj’s around his ankles and peeing down the stairs! He, out of shock, said “Brady, What are you doing!”
This woke Brady up, who proceeded to start screaming. He wasn’t sure what had just happened and was very confused. I got him cleaned up and back to bed. Then I started the steps - did you know he made it down 7 steps!!! I decided that night that the house full of boys may hold more surprises than I am prepared for.

I have to give a shout out to Joe. I found out that someone is actually reading my blog - which amazes me. Joe - I hope all is well in North Dakota - we sure miss you in Marshall!!

Hope everyone has a great new year!! Be safe - one night of fun is not worth you life!

Merry Christmas to all. Hopefully everyone is staying warm in the winter wonderland. We made it to Christmas Eve at my parents last night. It was a great time, just the immediate family made it home. The boys loved playing with their cousins and it was nice to be able to visit with everyone that was there. The drive out there wasn’t bad at all. But we didn’t stay too long and the drive back took twice as long as it normally does. Luckily we have 4 wheel drive and there wasn’t much traffic, so if there was a lot of snow, I just drove down the middle of the road. The highlight of the evening for the boys was when Santa made an appearance at Grandma and Grandpa’s.

Once we made it home, to boys were in bed relatively easily. Brady got up this morning at 2:30 am to see if it was time to get up and see if Santa had came. I got him back to sleep only to have him get up again at 4 am. After about 20 minutes of excuses, he finally went back to sleep. He was up again at 6:45 am. This time I let him get up. He turn on the light to the living room and he shouted “Presents!” He wanted to tear into them. I told him that he had to go potty and wake up Daddy and Ben. He said I could do that and he would stay here watching the presents. After a little convincing he went to wake up Ben.

Once everyone was up, the boys got to dig into their way too many gifts (Santa always has a tendency to go overboard) Once everything was opened, everything had to be taken out of the packaging. Why do kids packages have so many things to undo before the presents come out?

This is the time we should have jumped in the car and headed for Comfrey. Unfortunately, mother nature didn’t have the same plans. So we called Marty’s parents and rescheduled our visit for tomorrow (weather permitting). The boys spent the day playing with the toys and Marty spent a couple hours moving snow. We did walk next door for dinner with Grandma. Her dinner group went from 22 to 6. Now we have lots of left overs. The boys and mom and dad came home for quick nap and now we are heading out to make a snowman. We might as well make the best of this wonderful weather.

Hopefully the rest of the Christmases planned for this weekend will be able to happen with out much trouble.

Merry White Christmas!!